NEVER look back.

Hi.

So, I just have to say a few things....

I haven't been blogging much, because each day- each minute actually- is so different, so up and down, and honestly I'm just scared everyone will think I'm going crazy if I write down the things I'm feeling and experiencing. 

But I guess I've realized if I wait until I feel perfectly content to blog about life, it will never happen.... so tonight you are lucky! You get a post about some of the things that are rolling around in my poor little brain. And if you think I'm going crazy, join the club.

1. I want my call to be here NOW.

(still rooting for Africa, but that hope is kinda diminishing, after researching and talking to guys who have served there and realizing the chances of a girl getting called to Africa are prettty slim....)

2. God is so good. 

This has been the hardest, yet most rewarding, spiritual time in my life.

I can't even begin to describe it.

It's like everything in my life fits, and makes sense now.

I know I'm supposed to do this.

Aligning your will with God's will and moving forward = tender mercies.

3. Find out God's plan for you.

AND THEN FOLLOW HIM.

AND DON'T LOOK BACK.

Never, EVER look back.

Stay true to Him.

Stay true to yourself.

He is there.

You will see Him.

Trust Him.

Let him lead you.

If life is hard, tell Him.

And then do things that will let Him answer you.

(for example: go to the temple, pray, read your scrips, write your feelings out in your journal (angry ones and all), listen to good music, talk to friends, study general conference talks, get a priesthood blessing, etc....)

I promise, He will answer you.

Is life still hard? 

YES.

Like, today I just wanted to cry because I accidentally took a 3 hour nap, I skipped class and felt guilty, I looked like crap, I sucked at Zumba, I didn't study for my test I have to take tomorrow, I forgot to finish the visiting teaching reports for my calling, and every other minute my brain was like, HOLY CRAP YOU'RE GOING ON A MISSION, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?

But-

 when our will is aligned with His, God provides a quiet strength.

I'm still learning about His ways.

But I do know this-

He is there. He is listening. 

And sometimes it is in our hardest moments {that are most certainly still hard} that 

we feel Him the most.

He's quiet and gentle, but He's there.

I think that's because in order to make us better, He has to change our weaknesses into strengths. And the only way to do that is to show them to us. 

Like he says, "Hey, I know you have a lot going on right now, but I have a better plan, and if you follow it you will realize you suck at life and will feel kind of hopeless and insecure and probably cry almost every day" (except He says it nicer than that).

But then, for some crazy, completely illogical (but not really) reason, and I believe it is because of the divine-ness within us, 

we take a crazy leap of faith and say, "Okay, sounds good!"

And then He changes you.

He polishes you, makes you better, and stronger.

My advice to you, no matter what life decisions you are making, big or small, is once you say, "okay!"- once you agree to follow Him and HIS plan for you-

NEVER LOOK BACK.

Even when it gets hard. Don't do it.

Stay the course.

"We are not of them that draw back unto perdition." 

(Hebrews 10:39)

Perdition is Satan, and of course he's going to try to get you to look back, in whatever stupid, dumb, seemingly legit-feeling ways he can. He doesn't want you to reach your glorious end result, and for that reason he is a meany-head.

Don't let him win.

You weren't put on Earth at this time to give up and fail.

Keep going! Have faith in God's plan for YOU! 

Don't give up.

God is so real. He is so flipping awesome. He makes us go through really hard things, and even though I get a little upset at Him sometimes, I always find myself thanking Him later, because I see what I've become through Him.

His plan is the best plan.

Choose to follow it, and then never look back.

Amen.

~Manda